Tag Archives: antenatal parent group meetings

Fifth Prenatal Parent Group Meeting: Visiting the Labor & Birth Ward

At the fifth prenatal parent group meeting we were told to not come to our usual meeting place; instead, go to Uppsala’s Academic Hospital.

Everything suddenly became so real. The ultrasound brought the baby to life. Charting the growth of the uterus was exciting!

Going to the hospital where my baby will one day be born = slightly scary and exhilarating.

One couple and one expectant father did not show up to this meeting. The rest of us searched for where we were supposed to go….but luckily we had found each other 🙂

Eventually we worked our way down to a basement, and found the rest of the group. A midwife from Hjärtet met us there, introduced us to another midwife who works in the labor & birth ward, and then left us with her, while we got the grand tour.

IMG_5756

We started by seeing the waiting room, where we were told that while expectant mothers are fed, there is no food for the expectant fathers; therefore, they are encouraged to bring their own food, label and date it, and put it in the fridge. Or they could go upstairs and buy food at the food court (if you happen to give birth during normal business hours).

Then we made our way to the bathing area. There was a large bathtub that expectant mothers are encouraged to go in while they’re in labor. There’s even enough room for the expectant father; although we’re told he should wear a bathing suit (apparently because the medical staff may walk in, and for some unknown reason, seeing a naked man, but not a naked woman, is unacceptable).

IMG_5755

Then we made our way to a potential birthing room. It was dull and drab. The midwife pointed out that there were no curtains. And then pointed out that we should feel free to bring objects and entertainment with, since we could be there for several hours before actually giving birth.

IMG_5754

We all sat around the rim of the room, while the midwife sat in the middle, demonstrating to us different tools that could be used, as well as different ways expectant mothers could use the room.

IMG_5749
The size the baby will be, along with a demonstration of holding the baby, resting on the mothers’ chest, and cutting the umbilical cord.
IMG_5750
A cord used to measure the infant’s heartbeat.
IMG_5751
A close-up of the bit that actually measures the heart beat.
IMG_5752
A manual vacuum extraction pump.

This was a very informative visit, and let expectant parents know what to expect, see where to go, and feel more comfortable in their soon-to-be surroundings.

Side note: Interestingly, nearly all of the expectant fathers asked various questions about the birthing process, the medical instruments the midwife described, and made joking comments, while only one expectant mother (Lisa) asked a question.

Second (cultural) side note: There was one comfy leather chair to sit on, while nearly all other chairs were hard metal (e.g. not comfortable). In typical Swedish fashion, no one took the comfy chair until the last couple came in. And then the expectant mother sat on the only remaining metal chair, giving the comfy leather chair to the expectant father….a few minutes later he got up and gave it to his partner.

 

Third Prenatal Parent Group Meeting: Preparations for Birth

At the third parent group meeting we discussed what would happen right before you go to the hospital to give birth.

No one was missing, except my partner.

IMG_5637

We first went over topics we had discussed at the previous meeting (e.g. relationships), and then started jumping into preparations for giving birth.

We were all handed a book on breastfeeding (slightly weird, since we talked at length about breastfeeding during the first meeting).

IMG_5653

The midwife checked in with all people present about their current pregnancy situation–one by one. In other words, expectant mothers were not given any extra time or questioning compared to expectant fathers.

Most expectant mothers complained about losing sleep, changing their walking habits, and looking forward to not being pregnant. While most of the guys either agreed with their partner or restated similar sentiments.

Two women complained about a pain in her side. The midwife, later in the evening brought up this ligament in her talk, and suggested that due to the baby growing, the pain from the ligament could affect every expectant mother.

round-ligament

Since Lisa wasn’t present, I spoke for her, saying that she was losing sleep, but that she was waking up a couple of times a night due to her acid (no solutions or suggestions were provided).

I then said that I was losing sleep and needed to support Lisa during the night with her acid. This was met with laughter from the parents, with one expectant mother exclaiming “oh, poor you.”

“No seriously,” I replied. “And I can see the lack of sleep starting to affect both of us. Now not just one person is irritable, but two people are, which can add to various relationship problems.”

People still laughed, although not as much as the first time. The midwife waited a second before moving on to the next person. Actually, in thinking about it, not only did the midwife not validate my concerns, but she failed to provide any insight to any individual or couple–she let everyone talk about their problem(s), but offered no sage advice or even thoughts.

Sage Advice

After we were all done sharing our problems and concerns (and joys) related to the pregnancy, the midwife then went over several “useful” tips for preparing for birth.

  • Take baths to relax your body
  • Have your partner give you a massage
  • Do relaxing things in your house
  • Play with your pets
  • Take a shower/bath before going to the hospital
  • Eat food before going to the hospital

IMG_5727

We then did a basic profylax course. Profylax is a type of massage that you can give to your partner to make them feel better. There are whole courses that you can take (for a fee) that teach you how to do profylax massages so that when you give birth, your partner can massage the expectant mother to 1) make her feel more comfortable and 2) give the expectant father a role in the birthing process.

IMG_5638
A couple practicing profylax

Side note: I heard from people who took the profylax course that the course had good information, brought the couple closer together (in that they were now both focused on the pregnancy and the importance of giving birth), but that it wasn’t necessarily worth the money. (Sadly I can’t remember how much it costs, maybe 2000 SEK? or thereabouts).

Partners’ Role

The partners’ role was quite basic–be there for the expectant mother. There was little discussed in the way that expectant fathers are important and that they have a right to be at the birth; let alone, what the experience of being there means for the father, for the couple, and for the family. Father’s (partners) were discussed, but mainly in terms of taking care of the expectant mother, and mainly via making her feel comfortable (destressing her in various ways, especially via massages).

IMG_5654
At the end of the meeting, I approached the midwife to go over the highlights from the night (just to make sure I understood everything–after all, I knew Lisa would be asking). After going through the key material, she also handed me an extra book on having a baby (in English)…just to make sure I understood everything that was in the seminar.

Second Prenatal Parent Group Meeting: Relationships

Unli2000px-Svenska_kyrkan_vapen.svgke the first prenatal parent group meeting, not everyone showed up. Two couples did not come: expectant mom/dad who live in Uppsala and an expectant mom/grandma who live in Upplands Väsby.

This second meeting was not led by the midwife, but rather by two people from the Swedish church.

Their topic of the day: Relationships.

They talked a bit about the importance of maintaining a healthy relationship (surface level information): life is tough, having a baby complicates the relationship, make time for each other, support each other, etc.

They then kept the meeting quite interactive, either in small groups, as a large group, or with your partner.

We then broke up into groups, purposefully separated from our partners. In these groups we were to discuss what we need to have a strong loving relationship.

Expectant parents discussed typical things like supporting each other, listening to each other, discussing financial issues, and help each other feel good (see complete list [in Swedish] below).

IMG_5636

 

After this, we broke for fika. During fika, several expectant parents joked and commented that we were receiving relationship advice from two members of the Swedish church. Apparently, being connected to the Swedish church, at least as far as relationships is concerned, isn’t so highly respected.

sandwich-932646_960_720

When class started back up, we played a game: To what extent do you agree with the following financial statement:

  • I charge all of my items on a credit card.
  • I just want to have new products for the baby.
  • I like to save as much money as possible.
  • I want to buy used baby products.

If you completely agreed, we were to walk to a woman and if we disagreed, we were to walk to a man (or end up somewhere in between). This would then inform us where we stood, especially relative to our partners. After talking with a few couples (and my own relationship)–no one seemed surprised about where they and their partner ended up. In other words, we all seemed to at least know the spending habits of our partners.

We then met one-on-one with our partners to discuss three things that we think will make our partner a great parent.

The night finished up with some communication tips:

  • “I statements” were emphasized
    • I feel; I need
  • Remember to take a step back before having a big discussion
  • Talk with each other when you start having feelings about something

Then just to be cheeky, I wrote”make-up sex”.

Turns out the leaders actually liked this (or it was coincidence), because then they went into a 10 minute diatribe about the importance of maintaining a healthy sex life and to talk with each other about your sexual feelings.

We then wrote down on a piece of paper things that turn us on–and we were to discuss that with our partners once we went home.

Lacking Couple Relationships within the Context of Parenting
The information covered was fine and fun, but had little to do with becoming a parent. I felt like the leaders could have tailored the meeting better to talk about relationships pre- and post-children: what to expect, and how to deal with problems while raising a child.

For example, how not to fight in front of the child, how the baby alters relationship roles, how conflicts can intensify when new parents are stressed and lacking sleep, how conversations become duller because of exhaustion from parenting, etc.

Oh well–you get what you pay for (#free).

 

 

Prenatal Parent Group Meetings: Background Information

I will have to attend a Swedish-speaking prenatal parental course. They were supposed to offer an English version, but the person who runs that course is on parental leave, so I am left to attend the Swedish version. Yikes!

This version is presumably better in some ways, as there are a couple of extra classes that you don’t get in the English version–apparently a couple of times, people from the outside (e.g. non-midwives) will come to discuss certain topics with the class. For example, we will have one class on relationships. That course is taught by two people from the Swedish church, rather than from the midwives at the clinic.

The course meets 6 times over a 1.5 month time period. And then a seventh visit about 1-1.5 months after we all have our babies (the first baby is due to be born a bit before mid-January, while the latest is the 27th of January….but who knows when they’ll actually all pop out 😉

IMG_5652

We have also learned that the midwife leading the class is from the same location as our midwife (Hjätat), but sadly is not our midwife 😦 They do rotations. This means that this is our fourth midwife so far (first midwife = first prenatal visit [she didn’t like father involvement so we discontinued seeing her], second midwife = current midwife at the MVC hjärtat, third midwife = ultrasound midwife).

This continuity of care is a bit annoying, personally. You search for a good midwife and make a connection with her, but meanwhile you’re just tossed from one midwife to the next. But I digress.

Anyway, at Hjärtet, they have several other ways to be involved while you’re pregnant.

IMG_5627

For example, the profylaxkurs is a type of massage class for partners, vattengympa is doing exercises in the water, pappaträff is for expectant dad’s to meet each other, väntabarn igen-träff–not sure what that is (maybe if you’re waiting for your second [third, etc] kid and want to meet other parents), regnbågsgrupp could maybe be for same-sex couples, and baby massage is just like it sounds.

Well, here goes nothing!